This past couple of weeks I've had several experiences that were significant turning points in my life. I briefly mentioned them in my post from last night, although I didn't describe them in any detail, just called them commitments.
The first experience, which came about on July 31st, was a call to commit to working for God in the future, when my other commitments are finished. I had never before considered working directly for God. Since the beginning of the year I have felt that God was/is preparing me to be a wife to a man who has been called by God to a ministry, and although I was excited by the prospect of marriage, I still didn't feel anything specific about working for God. In fact, I struggled to see how I would fit, but that has changed. About a week ago, I had a paradigm shift...not only did I see myself working with the partner God will provide, but I also saw myself working for God alongside my partner. Hand-in-hand we'll work together...he's not the only one called; so am I. Wow!
The second experience happened earlier this week. I have been going through some really rough times financially. Definitely some of it has been from my own mistakes, but also some of it seemed to be completely out of my control. Finances has always been an area of my life that I never seemed to be able to surrender to God. Growing up, our family never had a lot of money, but there was one time in particular, when I was just about five years old, that we experienced severe poverty. It didn't last a long time, but something significant had happened to me. I don't know if I had prayed and felt that God didn't answer my prayers, or if I heard my parent's prayers and didn't feel that God answered their prayers, but whatever happened, I felt betrayed financially by God and have never trusted Him since in this area of my life.
Monday night God brought me to a point where I knew He required that I make a decision. Was I going to surrender control of my finances to Him and handle His money His way and trust Him to provide when there wasn't enough, or was I going to continue to pretend I could do whatever I wanted with His money and keep borrowing when there wasn't enough? I knew what my answer had to be for me to move forward in His will, so I made two decisions in the act of surrender and implemented them immediately. First, I cut up my credit cards and said "no more relying on credit cards to get me through." Second, I signed up for one of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (FPU) course, a thirteen week course on handling money God's way.
The next couple of days were really rough emotionally. Just because I had made the decision to surrender my finances to God and to trust Him and His way, didn't mean that all the old feelings were gone. My feelings from childhood and throughout my life regarding money all surfaced and were "screaming" at me to take everything back. But, through a sermon I listened to, Bible Study and prayer, I ended up calming down somewhat inside.
This evening, God took me one step further. I was checking my account balance tonight because I felt concerned that my insurance company hadn't notified me of the full amount I was going to owe and have drawn out of my account at the beginning of the week. I was correct in that they pulled more than what their letter had said they would pull. The amount they said they would pull was incorrect, so I wasn't surprised to see that they had pulled an additional amount, but it was just enough to hurt me when I'm already hurting and scraping bottom. My immediate reaction was the old feeling of discouragement and betrayal, but then I felt God speaking to me and asking me if I was going to give in to the old feelings or was I going to trust? "What's it going to be, Connie?" I decided to trust and immediately felt tremendous peace.
God is changing me and preparing me to work for Him. I am excited and look forward to the fulfillment of His will in my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment