Friday, April 29, 2011


In the last several years, the phrase What Would Jesus Do or WWJD has become a popular phrase. Although there are times this would not apply, since there are some situations where He would not have placed Himself, I found myself wondering what He would do in my current situation?

Ever since taking the position I took back in Sept. of last year, I've been struggling with the environment, lack of training, and expectations that everyone seemed to have of me and the new position because it was significantly different than I expected or thought I was getting into. In fact, I wouldn't have taken the position if I had known what I learned  shortly after starting in the position.

This week, I ended up being given a bad review which was very traumatic for me. I have never received a bad review for my work and the fact that I have tried so hard and for some reason couldn't seem to get around the barriers I experienced, made it even harder on me. I've spent the last few days talking with HR to discuss the situation and identify what my options are, along with talking with my counselor, praying to God about the situation, and talking with friends and family.

A few minutes ago, the thought came to me: What would Jesus do? What did Jesus do? He stayed in the "fight" and allowed Himself to be crucified on our behalf...for the joy set before Him. Ouch!

My situation isn't nearly the same, of course. His decision had eternal consequences, whereas mine is fairly limited. Also, if I did stay to "fight" the situation, I would very likely continue looking for work elsewhere and eventually, I would probably find a position where I enjoyed not only the work, but the environment too.

I still don't know what my decision will be come Monday, but it's definitely something to think about.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Learning more about honesty...

I've always been an open and honest person and have sometimes gone overboard trying to be sure others knew everything that might would be construed as dishonest if they found out later vs right away. Even though I've always been honest for the most part, there has, on occasion, been times when I've not completely disclosed something or have written something that could be viewed as somewhat of an exaggeration of the truth and today God helped me to see more clearly my error in being even slightly dishonest.

About seven months ago, I interviewed for my current job. During the interviews, I tried to be sure I was completely honest about my lack of knowledge and skills in certain and specific software. I also tried to be completely honest about my lack of experience in several areas that were part of the job description. From the first interview, I got the impression that the interviewers understood my level of experience and knowledge, therefore, I felt comfortable with the interview questions and thought that it was understood that I would need to be trained in some areas. Additionally, I received the impression that I would be working with the Instructional Designer and that he would be able to help train me or get the training for me that I needed.

When I was called for the second interview, I was surprised to find that none of the first interviewers were to be included in the second interview. It seemed somewhat disconnected from the first interview, but I assumed I didn't need to restate anything in particular from the first interview, except when asked for something specific.

Two weeks into the new job and I recognized that there had been a mistake made, I realized that they had hired the wrong person and even said the same to my boss. She, on the other hand, did not recognize the mis-match yet and proceeded to give me the impression that everyone would "pull together" and help me acclimate to the new position. Week after week went by and I became even more distressed with the whole mis-match, finding out too late that there wouldn't be any training provided and that they had expected me to be able to "jump-in" and "take off" on my own immediately, without building a foundation for such a jump. I also found out too late that they wouldn't be providing any of the tools that I felt were necessary for the position.

To say the least, the position became extremely stressful and my confidence was worn down to almost nothing over the weeks/months of not making any progress towards a resolution of the discrepancy between the employer expectation and my expectations as the employee.

Today, I had an interview with another place for a position that I didn't think I was qualified for and had been surprised that they had even called me for an interview. Shortly after the interview started, I realized that there wasn't any way I had the qualifications, knowledge, and experience they were looking for, so I let the interviewers know that and we ended the interview. Just before we ended the interview, I asked the interviewer what had made them think I might be qualified for the position? He said that my mention of a Web content management application called Drupal in my cover letter made them think I might be qualified.

On the way home from the interview, I recognized that I shouldn't have included that "Drupal" comment within my cover letter and that I need to be more careful about being fully honest and fact-based when writing up my resume and cover letter. Additionally, I need to be more careful about not embellishing the facts to make myself "look good" or to try to improve my chances at a job. I didn't seek to embellish or be dishonest in any way, but mentioning Drupal based upon expectations that I was going to get the chance to use it and become more familiar with it prior to any possible interview, but not based upon the fact that I hadn't gotten the opportunity yet at the time I wrote the cover letter, was in fact an embellishment of the truth and/or dishonest declaration. Lesson learned and forgiveness asked of God. 

Friday, April 15, 2011

Where could I go, but to the Lord...

Today has been challenging in numerous ways. In fact the last week has been challenging all the way through. Between being very sick, not having enough money to cover expenses, let alone to make the trip I had planned to Tennessee, feeling like a complete failure at work, hating my job, feeling anxious in my relationship with FC, controversial changes being made to our church service by our Pastor, and then an email from a niece today asking for advice on what to do about their Dad, since none of them can deal with him and their Dad doesn't seem motivated to do anything much for himself right now. Today has seemed like way too much on my plate!

Lord, I don't know why this is all on my plate at the same time and how I am expected to deal with all of it, but I surrender it to You for Your intervention on everyone's behalf. Thank you!