Well, yesterday afternoon, I came to realize that I still felt significant anger and bitterness towards my mother. This morning, it was time and I wrote a similar letter to my Mom, who also is dead.
I'm sharing the letter below and I hope that if you are reading it that you it may help you to forgive whomever you may need to forgive and/or it will help you to help someone else.
Yesterday I had a huge meltdown. I had been struggling with anger and irritation for several days and couldn't figure out where it was coming from.
When I had my meltdown yesterday, I realized that I had significant anger still towards you for several things. I hadn't ever really known what they were over the years, but an incident with a friend of mine brought the issue, or at least one of the issues, clearly to my mind. You disrespected my Dad, me, and everyone else, including yourself. You allowed other to disrespect me and you didn't protect me. I recognize you didn't understand, didn't know how to respect boundaries because no one had respected yours, but the lack of knowledge or ignorance does not negate the error, the sin, as I've learned, painfully learned, very recently.
Along with the disrespect you showed towards my Dad, others, and me, you didn't give me or show me your beauty. I don't know why, as I know you were a beautiful young woman and even a beauty or at least a good-looking woman most all of your life. You were an artist! If anyone could have shown, taught, given beauty, it could have been you, but instead you taught drab, dreary, ugly, chaotic yuckiness. You didn't teach me how to make a house a home. I had to try to learn everything through magazines and on my own, which has been horribly difficult. You gave up and gave in to the filth and drabness of your environment, instead of living above it. I so badly want to forgive you and let it all go. It has destroyed so much of my life and I don't want it to continue to do so. I do feel hurt by it all though. I desperately want to become and provide a
for my husband I still hope to have one day and grandchildren (since I'm too old to have children). And as much as I desire to be and make this, I don't know how because you didn't teach me.
Oh Mommy dearest, why didn't you teach me and my sisters? Why did you give up on beauty and hope? I'm sorry that life discouraged you so badly that you never fully recovered. I'm sorry you experienced such disappointment and hurt that you quit being the mother you could have been. I'm sorry that you were abused and disrespected in your childhood home and family, because even though you never told anyone, I'm sure you were. I'm sorry that you dealt with that all alone, because you had no knowledge of how to deal with it and what to do! I ask God to help me to forgive you and I pray that God will, has forgiven you!
Please forgive me too. Please forgive me for holding such anger and bitterness towards you for so many years. I want to be free of it all and be able to move forward. Please forgive me for rejecting you instead of reaching out to you to help you. I was too young at the beginning, but even when I got older, I didn't help you like I should have. I'm sorry. I blamed you for many things. Some, you were responsible for, and some you weren't! Some were Dad's fault. Please forgive me for falsely accusing you of things you didn't do, didn't cause. You weren't to blame for all the negative; Dad was responsible for some of it and then later I was responsible for my own.
Well, dearest Mommy, you've been dead now for 13 years. I hope I will see you on resurrection morning and be able to tell you I'm sorry and I love you in person. In the meantime, and even in that time, I leave your memory in the hands of God. I love you.