Learning truth...

In the past couple of weeks I have had two experiences where I have felt that something was a direct answer to prayer, but then by the next day it felt as if it had done a 180º. I couldn't understand what was happening and felt confused and angry at myself and God. How could an answer to prayer one day feel like a curse the next?

In my confusion and pain I was going to call a friend of mine that I hadn't talked to in quite a while, but no longer had his number. So, I called his brother, also a friend, to see if he knew his number. His brother is very spiritual and insightful and could sense that I was in pain. He asked me what was going on and I began to share the pain and confusion I was feeling. We talked (in between my occasional tears) for several hours. He told me the Native American tale of two wolves, which I had heard before, but didn't remember what it was really about.

The Two Wolves Within
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice... "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt great hate for those who have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It's like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die." "I have struggled with these feelings many times. It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But...the other wolf... ah! The littlest thing will send him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all of the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing." "Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit." The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?" The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."-- -- A Native American tale told many times around the Sacred Fire

My friend called the "bad" wolf, the critical wolf, the enemy (just as Satan is our enemy) and the "good" wolf is the wolf of truth, (just as God's Word is our truth). Whenever God gives us a gift and we receive it, the enemy hates it and tells us all kinds of evil, so that we no longer see the gift from God as a gift, we no longer can see God's hand upon our lives, we begin to see the gift as a curse. What we need to do is refer back to the Bible, to God's Word and focus on the truth, not the appearance of things around us. In Isaiah 43:4, my theme for this blog, God says, "Because you are precious and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you and peoples in exchange for your life." And then in Matthew 7:9-11, Christ says, "9 Or what man is there of you, if his son asks him for a loaf of bread, will hand him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will hand him a serpent? 11 If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give good and advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!" The "loaves" I had been given had come to feel like "stones," but that is untrue. God would not give me a stone. The enemy wants me to see the gifts as stones. Which wolf am I going to feed? The critical wolf, the evil wolf or the wolf of truth, the good wolf. Who am I going to believe?

I thought of this during my Bible study this morning. One of the verses that really stood out for me was Psalm 105:19. In the verse just before this, the Psalmist talks about Joseph being put in fetters, "he was laid in chains of iron and his soul entered into the iron." And then in verse 19 he says, "Until his word (speaking of Joseph's words to his brothers when telling them of his dreams) came true, the word of the Lord tried and tested him." Even though everything looked the opposite of what Joseph had told his brothers and his future appeared bleak and dismal, God was only trying and testing him until the appointed time when Joseph was to be released from prison and become ruler over the people of Egypt under the King. During his trials Joseph had to rely on the truth of God's Word, the truth of God's way, not appearances, not his physical circumstances, and then eventually, at God's appointed time, his words came true, the truth from God was made manifest in his life.