Something that makes me feel like crying...

Haven't posted much in quite a while. There has been so many things happening in the past months, painful things that make me not want to share my life with others, which means I don't blog.

For one, my brother Martin passed away May 19. Although we hadn't spent a lot of time together in the past 10-15 years since we lived 50-60 miles apart, I miss him. I miss being able to call him if I want to. But, I'm glad he's not suffering and he's safe asleep until Jesus comes.

Besides all of the above, one thing that continues to affect my life in so many ways is my Dad being gone. Even though he passed away 5+ years ago, I still miss him. I particularly miss him when I need help with something physical (he was strong) or mechanical (he was very mechanical). My brother JD is also very strong, although not mechanical, so when I need help with moving stuff around or something that requires someone physically strong, I can ask him to help and he usually is willing. The only time it becomes an issue is like what happened today. He doesn't live with me, he lives at my cousin's place and works for him for room and board. This coming Sunday I would like my brother's help with some lifting and moving things around. But, I struggled with asking for his help, because I felt like I had to ask my cousin if I could ask my brother to help me, since it would take him away from whatever my cousin wanted him to do. Having to ask my cousin if I could ask my brother to help this coming Sunday made me want to cry, particularly when my cousin started to quantify what would be "worthy" of him allowing my brother to help me instead of him. It leaves me feeling helpless, which makes me feel like crying. In fact, I felt pretty emotional and almost started to cry! I know that I'm not helpless; God is always there for me and I'm grateful. I guess in the future I'll just ask my brother and let him deal directly with my cousin rather than me asking my cousin first.

Precious and Honored...

Precious and honored...what does this mean? This phrase, which is also the name of my blog, comes from Isaiah 43:4. I had read the text before, but it had never spoke to me the way it did back in 2007. For the first time in a long time, I recognized how much God really did love me and that I was precious and honored in His eyes, even if I hadn't felt that way for a long time.

Tonight I read the verses again and let them speak to me as they did before. Life sure can leave a person feeling battered and bruised and unloved, but this verse and the verses before and after remind me that God will see me through and in His eyes I'm "precious and honored."

Thank You Father for loving me so much; for caring for me when others don't; for choosing me when no one else will. Thank You for not letting me "drown" in the river of life; for not letting me be "scorched" or "burn up" in the fiery trials; and for "ransoming" me with Your own life. Thank You.

Rejoicing in the Lord...

There are so many things to be thankful for and to rejoice over. Even the rough moments, the trials we endure throughout the days, weeks, months. Life isn't easy, at least not for me and not for most people. We all experience challenges and trials of some sort and how we learn to handle them is the key.

One of my favorite books, "Finding God's Path Through Your Trials," by Elizabeth George, really taught me God's way of walking through the trials this life brings. Not that I do it perfectly, but that I now have a vision, a picture of what it means to walk through them God's way.

The focus of the book is on James' admonition in James 1:2, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials." Count it all joy! Wow! How do we do this? Reading through the chapters, George discusses how to do this step-by-step, day-by-day. Easy? No! Definitely not! Worth it? Yes!

This week, while experiencing some significant frustration, enough to make me cry on the way home from work, I knew that even in the midst of the trial, I never, ever wanted to turn away from God again. Satan will do anything and try anything to turn us against God, against fellow believers, against the church, because He knows that if he can get us to turn away, than he has a much greater chance to keep us away permanently. Nothing on this earth is worth losing the eternal fellowship we will get to experience with Christ.

So today I say, "Rejoice in the Lord!"

Almost the new year...

Here it is almost the New Year; just a few more days to go. I've been thinking about New Year's Resolutions and what is important for me to be focusing on in the coming new year.

There is one area that is MOST important, my relationship with God, and my resolution would be two-fold in this area. First of all, I desire to do all I can to draw closer to God through reading His Word and meditating on it, spending time in prayer, and memorizing scripture. Secondly, I desire to become a "Woman of the Word," to know and understand the Bible more fully.

The second area that needs a lot of my attention this year is my physical health and well-being. Back in February of last year I had to move from my house into a 1-bedroom, somewhat small apartment where I have struggled to live this past year. I call it "my cave." And then in March, I had to work a significant amount of overtime (while on salary), which added tremendous stress to my already stressful life. Between these two huge negatives, I found myself quite depressed and unable to get back into a routine of exercise and healthy eating. Instead I have continued to eat and eat and eat with little or no exercise, which has made the situation even worse. I feel almost desperate at this point and hope to begin making changes in the new year.

The third and final thing will be to work at paying off my debts from the "attempted move to Montana." My financial struggles have been unending this past 1-1/2 years and they haven't really improved yet, but somehow, by the grace of God, I hope to make some inroads into this left-over debt. One of my creditors is suing me, so I guess that one will get paid no matter how bad or good things are for me financially. This will only make my financial struggle even worse, but maybe this is the only way it will happen. I don't know how things will turn out, but I trust that God will provide for my needs and help me deal with these financial issues in my life.

There are other things I will be doing, such as work, school, church, and there are other things I would like to do, such as move, get a cat and dog, etc., but the three resolutions/areas of focus noted above are the most important ones to me and will be what I focus on in the coming year.

What a night...

Tonight the roads are truly yucky! Not as bad as last Saturday night where I couldn't even see well enough to take my brother home, but still yucky enough that it took an hour to where he lives from my apartment (usually a half-hour drive) and another hour to get home. I feel completely wiped out now and just want to go to bed. The roads had many patches of pure, black ice where I just prayed and hoped I would keep going straight through it and patches of drifts where I again just prayed it wouldn't pull me into the ditch. To say the least it was a strain and I'm glad to be home, safe and sound. Thank you Jesus!

A fall portrait...

Catching up...

Life has felt like a whirlwind in the past few months and now I'm hoping to maybe catch up a little. Family reunions and such tend to keep me busy in the summer, but this year has just been a little overwhelming...

April:

• 4/18, Brother Martin had grandmal seizure and ended up in the hospital. Found out he had a brain tumor.
• 4/21, Spent day in the hospital with Martin and his family and 3 of my sisters and a niece who came up from Tennessee to see Martin.

May:

• 5/4, Grandniece, Reese Abigail, was born.
• 5/14, Martin had surgery to remove brain tumor, then began chemo and radiation.
• 5/17, Grandniece, Carys May, was born.

June:

• 6/8, Special mini-Underwood Reunion to see Uncle LeeRoy and Laurel who had come up from Florida for Urbandale's church memorial to Aunt Doris who passed away in March. Photos will be posted soon, I hope.
• 6/20-6/29, Went to Michigan SDA Conference camp meeting in Cedar Lake, MI, with my friend Denyse. Had a great time, went to many wonderful seminars, and heard many good sermons.
• 6/25, Great-grandniece Jade was born. It is also grandniece Jadyn's birthday.

July:

• 7/10, Phill's Mom died! Will definitely miss her. She was like a second Mom to me.
• 7/11-7/13, 62nd Halvorsen Reunion. Great to see everyone! A secretary's report and photos to come soon, I hope.
• 7/14-7/19, VBS at Otsego SDA Church, Monday through Friday, with a special program on Sabbath.
• 7/19, Tanya (my niece) and Aaron got married on the beach at South Haven, MI. Photos to come soon.
  7/20, Underwood Reunion. Again, great to see everyone! Photos to come soon.
• 7/20, Computer crashed. Wouldn't boot for the next couple of weeks. Had to do a complete restore to factory specs and start over. Need new hard drive!!! Or, new computer would be even better!
• 7/29, my Dad's cousin Forest Halvorsen passed away. Didn't find out until Thursday night late, so I'm unable to attend the funeral.
• 7/30, Brother JD ended up in the hospital with a gallbladder attack the day after his birthday and spent several days in Borgess Kalamazoo. Had surgery on Sunday, August 3, to remove gallbladder and went home Monday, August 4.

August:

• 8/5, Battery in car went completely dead. Had to purchase new battery. Can't really afford, but can't live work/live without transportation.
• 8/9, Belated birthday party for grandnephew Seth and went to see my cousin Betsy down in Niles who isn't doing well.
• 8/10, Have had a bad headache all day...not sure why. Hoping it will go away soon.
• 8/16, Betsy passed away early this morning; funeral will probably be on Thursday. Glad she's not in pain anymore. Lester Halvorsen, another cousin of my Dad's passed away this evening. He lives in Florida, so I won't be able to attend.
• 8/17, cleaned up my parents and grandparents grave site at Crane Cemetery.
• 8/21, Betsy's funeral today. It was a nice service. It was good to see everyone...saw quite a few people I hadn't seen in a while. Betsy was buried out at Crane Cemetery, not far from her parents, my parents, and our grandparents.

So, this is why I've been so lax in updating my blog. There is still a lot going on and I am applying to a Master's program in Communication at Spring Arbor University Online to hopefully be able to start school on September 8th. This will make my life even more busy, but I feel that it is time to go forward and accomplish my goal of getting a Master's.

This Sabbath I will be teaching the adult Sabbath School class at Otsego, so I need to spend time this week preparing for it. Also, in the upcoming weeks, sometime in September, my brother Martin, who has brain cancer, will be getting the results of his latest MRI. We are all hoping for a miracle! I know God can do this, but I don't know if it is within His will to heal my brother. I keep praying.

I guess that's it for this post. I will try to be more faithful in updating my blog and please keep praying that my computer will hold out until I can get a new one.

May God bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you!